For the Love of C*nts (Possibly NSFW)

A representation of ‘Yoni’ the only female-genital-centric mythological cultism I could find. This one is found in the National Museum of Vietnam History (Credit: Binh Giang)

CONTENT WARNING: Contains lots of sexy sex, also contains lots of rude words and images of the things those rude words describe.

Also note: Everything said here is by a cisgender, heterosexual male. Whilst I have been called a cunt many times, and clearly have an affinity for them, I have not ever possessed one. If I make any offensive statements, judgements or draw any stupid conclusions in this article please let me know as soon as possible so I may correct myself. Cheers.

I’ve had an article about how the Romans absolutely loved dicks.

Well, Romans were not the only culture or cult to venerate the noble phallus. It turns out they basically all do.

In fact I would say that if you have come from a culture that has had to consume liquid water to survive you have been subjected to some sort of cock-worshipping aspects of that culture in your time.

Terracotta pot handles in the shapes of nobs from about 4,000 years ago. That’s like buying a George Foreman grill with cocks for handles. (Credit:
Zde)

As with everything weird and human the earliest example is a cock statue estimated at around 25,000-30,000 years old from a cave in Germany. It seems every human first happened between 15,000-55,000 years ago in a cave in Germany. Quite what it is about German caves I don’t know, but if you remember my lion article the first known zoomorphic (in the shape of an animal) carving was found in a cave in Germany. What next, first monopoly board discovered in cave in Germany, first argument about whose responsibility the toilet seat is found in cave in Germany, German caves first originated in the caves of Germany!

30,000 year old, prehistoric German cock…I mean, short days, cold nights, what else was there to do but carve dicks into stones. (Credit: Thilo Parg / Wikimedia Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)

Balkan tribes, Japanese cultures, Pre-Colombian American cultures, Nordic and Scandinavian cultures, as well as Indian cultures – never mind the Egyptians, Greeks and Romans all loved cock.

Then there’s titties.

One of the most remarkable and beautiful statues in history – thus much copied – the Artemis of Ephesus or Ephesian Artemis. She has not merely found a convenient way of carrying large eggs from market in a necklace. Those lumps are believed to represent multiple breasts, symbolising fertility. (Credit: Blcksprt)

There have also been various titty cults and cults related to titties. One of the most iconic cultic figures, a statue I believe first discovered in Leptis Magna (near Khoms, modern day Libya) is the Artemis of Ephesus, a representation of the goddess Artemis absolutely covered in tits.

You know like when you go to the supermarket and they’ve got something yellow-stickered and it’s too good of a bargain – Parmigiano-Reggiano for 12p a block – so you buy them all. It’s like she did that but at the titty store.

There’s also the cult of the Magna Mater, the Great Mother, an Eastern (specifically Anatolian – modern day Turkey) cult associated with the Cybele of Ancient Rome, and full-to-bursting with tit imagery. The Magna Mater herself is generally represented as a plump and, reasonably endowed, older woman.

Estimated to be around 25,000-30,000 years old the Willendorf ‘Venus’ is not actually a representation of that goddess, the name merely being metaphorical. Clearly depicting a female form debate rages as to what it means or why there is no face depicted but one thing is inarguable. She got some big titties. (Credit: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen)

The point is I knew about the dicks and titties. History, antiquity and prehistory is littered with dicks and titties.

What I didn’t know about was the cunts.

I can’t proclaim to be the world’s greatest scholar on world mythology, religion and symbology but I, like in many things, am reasonably well read and cannot remember in passing a cunt cult. Which seems odd to me!

Dicks inseminate, they’re like little bulbous, bursting volcanoes of life, so it’s obvious why they would come to symbolise life, growth, generation. They even, to do one of their main jobs, go from seed-to-stalk, if you will. They erect, so there’s symbolism with growth and renewal, I get it.

The titties, well they’re titties. I’ve sat and had conversations with straight women about nice pairs of titties, they’re fascinating in their own right. They also happen to be the magical organs containing the nourishing of infant life. They are the soil and sun of the human crop, without it no one grows, no one lives. The mother is sacred, her breasts most of all because they provide the sustenance. Nowadays we have infant formula and replacements for breast milk but even a couple of hundred years ago if you didn’t have breast milk for your baby, baby probably wasn’t going to do well. Tits are holy!

But the cunt’s where all the hard work happens. That’s where the volcanic seeds of the dick’s eruption germinate, and first take root, before they can be nourished at the breast they must be housed in the uterus.

I mean, we have details of what women are supposed to do regarding their monthly cycles dating back to some of the earliest Jewish texts, those would be thousands of years old, clearly there was a recognition of female reproductive organs.

So why no cult of the cunt?

The closest thing I can find is the Yoni, a Hindu representation of Shakti.

Here the ‘Yoni’ would be the rounded, almost uterine-shaped (or Millenium Falcon, if you prefer) plate, the Lingam would be the part in the base and protruding through the Yoni, completing the energy. Taken in Bangladesh (Credit: Shahnoor Habib Munmun)

Now as much as I’d love to give a We Lack Discipline no-nonsense rundown on what that means, Hinduism is likely one of the oldest, deepest, richest, craziest, most amazing religious mythologies in the damn universe and I’d need a lifetime of study to do it true justice, but I’ll do my best.

Yoni is an aniconic (without shape or form, something beyond the material world for whatever reason) representation of the Goddess Shakti. Even then I say Goddess but what Shakti seems to be is more of an energy, the embodiment of change and movement through the cosmos and the universe.

Yoni represents the source, the origin, the home, the ‘womb’ if you will.

Yoni also has a counterpart, the Linga or Lingam, more associated with the creative force of the God Shiva and the unification of Linga and Yoni creates a macrocosmos, effectively the universe as we know it.

Funnily enough some of the earliest depictions of Yoni are triangular (a shape often associated with a lady’s parts) and in Sanskrit, particularly in medicine, the word ‘yoni’ came to specify the female genitals.

Needless to say as society grew, developed and represented itself more the concepts of Yoni-langa changed and were depicted differently. The ‘Yoni’ became more obvious and eventually a figure known as Lajja Gauri came to represent Shaktist fertility.

A 6th Century Lajja Gauri relief from Madhya Pradesh. Her head is a lotus flower in blossom, she has her legs up in a ‘birthing’ position quite clearly flashing us her Yoni but also notice the quite prominent tits. This is like ‘The Avengers’ of female fertility, and the procreative energy of woman. (Credit: Ms Sarah Welch)

But besides Shaktist sects of Hinduism I can’t find, at a quick glance, as easily as I can cults worshipping dicks and titties, any cunt cults of note.

Obviously the female genitals, whether in sideways smile, vagina dentata, a triangular shape, an ovoid shape etc. etc. has been used in fertility imagery but it never quite came to prominence as much. There is always something about the cunt that is hidden. It never quite seemed to have the same followings that nobs and boobies have.

I find that interesting from an anthropological perspective.

Controversial academic Camille Paglia, author of Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson, might suggest this is because humanity, particularly men, in the pursuit of the Apollonian (the idealistically non-natural, the humane) ideal, has already escaped the chthonian (of the Earth, natural) abyss once before, in birth, and through thanatophobia (fear of death) fears a return to that self-same abyss. There is something in the vagina that represents something to fear. After all, for most of us our earliest teachers, and often the most confusingly cruel (inflicting society’s rules upon you by force, shame or meanness before you understand what the rules are even for) are our mothers.

Frankly I don’t think that’s the case. Humans are sick and twisted and have worshipped weirder shit than the minge. There’s a sex fetish out there for grown adult men shitting themselves in nappies and being called ‘naughty’ by mummy figures. If that exists, there’s something weird about their being no historical cunt cult.

I did ask the Vagina Museum, in Camden, UK for their opinion or if they had any ideas but have, as yet, got no response.

The fact is there is a mystery of humanity here. Why are we so quick to love, to the point of cultic worship, dicks and titties, but have no love for the cunt?

Published by Karl Anthony Mercer

An overly curious lovechild of Grumpy of the Seven Dwarfs and the kitsch pen section of Paperchase. Karl is on a mission to expose the seedy underbelly of academia, and thus making it appealing to wrong 'uns.

3 thoughts on “For the Love of C*nts (Possibly NSFW)

  1. My initial thought was to mention Sheela Na Gig for an example of portrayals of the vulva, albeit nothing overtly related to worship. Looking at this also led me to Dilukai and Baubo. Nothing, as you say, approaching an actual cult of worship, but at the very least some interesting depictions.

    Although just as an aside, Herm sculptures are a fascinating (to me) example of penis imagery in cultures that have it all over the place. I can’t quite see modern leaders being too fond of having a herm sculpture made of themselves.

    Like

    1. Ooh fuck me, a real comment!

      Yeah I came acros the Sheela Na Gig (…disgusting pun entirely unintended), and a lot of other vulvic decoration or symbolism but none of it used in a cultic sense, where it was at the centre of worship.

      Dilukai and Baubo are new to me. Baubo is particularly interesting as she is part of the classical Greek tradition and the Greco-Romans kind of used to have little cults to everyone. It would be very strange if they did not have one to the one sex-positive expression of womanhood!

      I might delve a bit deeper into Baubo, one because She seems fun and two because there must surely have been a cult to her at some point!

      As for modern leaders not wanting Herm sculptures. That’s mainly because they don’t have the balls to do it…That can either be a joke or literal, whatever you like.

      Thanks for the info, Newt.

      Like

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